


You May Have Abandoned Me (But I Will Not Leave)

by Copper_Nails (Her_Madjesty)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Communication Failure, Drinking, Drug Mention (brief), F/M, Fraternities & Sororities, Gen, House Party, Kylo-typical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 07:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8242051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Her_Madjesty/pseuds/Copper_Nails
Summary: College presents many a student with the opportunity to remake themselves, to cut themselves off from pasts they no longer want to think about. Kylo Ren is such a student, though Rey Kenobi is...less so.Based loosely on the final scene of Scarlet Hearts Ryeo, Episode 04.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SophiaDreith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaDreith/gifts).



> This piece is primarily a gift to Sophia, who has been lovely enough to let me rant about Star Wars, Reylo, and Scarlet Hearts (whenever I get around to watching it). As for the rest of you: I hope you enjoy it. Apologies for any errors; as this was a surprise for Sophia (who's been beta-ing my in-progress works), I couldn't have her look it over.

The frat house at the end of the lane has been known, on several occasions, to resemble a war zone – not due to any interesting reasons, of course, but rather due to the constant earth shaking parties the men of the house prefer to throw. Kylo Ren, vice president and second in command of the infamous Theta Iota Epsilon, finds himself more often than not staring down at unruly house guests from the top of the creaking staircase, a beer in his hand and a frown on his face. There are few in the house, brothers or otherwise, who feel inclined to get near him during these times, though really, it’s rare that anyone ventures near him, at all.

Thus, when another October Friday meanders its way onto the university’s flushed campus, Kylo Ren finds himself standing at the end of that infamous lane, staring towards a house that is bursting for excess of people. He sees several students falling out of the first floor’s open windows, not to mention those hanging out of the second. Kylo adjusts his backpack on his back, closes his eyes, and sighs before taking the long steps up to the front door and pushing his way inside.

It only takes him three steps to encounter the bulk of the new blood – the _rushers_.

He skirts past one freshman with a blindfold around his eyes and his shoelaces tied together, then another whose shirt has been drawn up over his head; a pair of eyes have been drawn on the underside of this one’s shirt, and a dick has been sharpied onto his stomach. The whole of the house smells like a bad combination of whiskey, marijuana, and piss, but it’s nothing that Kylo’s not used to.

One of the kids makes the unfortunate mistake of stumbling into Kylo’s side, an open beer in his hand; it takes Kylo less than a second’s glance to recognize it as one of the good ones out of the back of the fridge. Before the kid can blink, Kylo’s hand has engulfed the back of his head and introduced his face to the nearest wall. Something cracks, and the kid slumps, but Kylo doesn’t bother to look back.

“Hux!”

Several of the rushers around him wince; one, growing sober, kneels to help the fallen freshman. Kylo kicks him as he walks past. “Hux!”

He’s just hit the landing of the house’s waxed wooden staircase when the ginger appears. Armitage Hux lounges over the stair railing and offers Kylo the smallest of waves, smirking around the cigarette stuck between his teeth.

“Ren,” he says. “You’re so late in coming home. For a moment I was almost concerned.”

“I had work to do,” Kylo snaps. He takes the steps two at a time and joins Hux at the top, staring down his nose at the crowd of rushers that’s gathered below. They’ve turned his victim around, it seems, to reveal a thoroughly bloodied nose. “I thought you said you were going to wait until I got back, anyway.”

“See, I was,” Hux admits. He glances at the wounded freshman and winces. “But then I got bored. I do so hate getting bored, Ren, and having them all here – well, it felt like wasting an opportunity.”

Someone – Kylo’s not sure who – announces that they’re going to call an ambulance. There’s movement to grab the kid’s phone before he can even dial the number, though none of it comes from Kylo; Hux merely has to wave a hand and the kid is forced back against the nearest wall, his phone retrieved and pocketed by someone luckier.

“Now, now,” Hux calls over the sound of cracking plaster. “Anything you break, you pay for, you know.”

Kylo doesn’t so much as chuckle as he does bark, and even then it’s a stunted thing. He adjusts his backpack on his shoulder again and, with a nod to Hux, makes his way down the hall and away from the house’s noise.

His room is marked off from the rest, its door covered in several places by caution tape and marked up with scratches Kylo doesn’t care to identify. The hinges squeak as he enters, then again as he slams the door shut. He flips the complex system of locks he’s installed into action without directly looking at any of them. Then, and only then, does he relax enough to throw himself down on his piece-of-shit bed.

The mattress gives with a groan, and his feet hang off the end, but he’s tried sleeping on the floor before. This is unquestionably better.

He stays there, lulled into a half doze from the weight of the day, until someone decides to turn music on downstairs. The bass vibrates through his rotten wood floor and is almost reassuring – almost. Kylo buries his face in his pillow and screams, curling his hands into his bed’s off-white sheets.

Only when he tastes blood in the back of his throat does Kylo bother to lift his head. He rolls over and reaches into his pocket for his phone, trying to ignore the way the music makes his head shake.

He flips through a series of messages Hux had sent him earlier, deleting each of them after he’s read them. The messages that remain after these are cleaned out are either from his mother (and therefore deleted) or from an unknown number.

Kylo stares at the series of digits for several minutes without opening the messages. Downstairs, the song changes, and he hears one of the rushers shriek. He huffs out a sound that’s closer to a laugh and, on a whim, flips one of the messages open.

<< Unknown number:

I’m a little lost; is Mayer Hall on the south side of campus or the north? By the way, your mom called again. >>

Kylo runs a hand through his hair and pushes himself upright on his bed. The other messages are similar: questions about campus, about his frat, and always a reminder: his mom’s calling again.

Rey Kenobi is a persistent kid, he’ll give her that. It’s been three months, though, since she joined him on campus, and three years since they’ve had a real conversation; if she hasn’t gotten the message by now, well…

It’s hardly his problem.

A shout echoes down the hallway. Kylo closes his eyes and lets his head fall back down onto the pillow, groaning. He tucks the phone away and clambers out of bed in time to hear a body hit a nearby wall. A few moments later, Hux's prim knock shakes his bedroom door.

Kylo undoes two of his locks and opens the door an inch. Outside, the commander in chief has his hand wrapped around the collar of a freshman’s jacket. There is blood on Hux's knuckles, and the kid looks dazed. It takes Kylo a moment to recognize him as the one who volunteered to call an ambulance.

“Ren,” Hux says, as polite as can be. “I’d like your assistance downstairs, if you have the time. It seems this year’s brood has yet to discover the meaning of…discipline.”

Kylo is slow to react. The smile that bleeds onto his face is a little wild, a little toothy, but Hux doesn’t flinch away. The freshmen begins to whimper.

“I suppose I could find the time,” Kylo says, sticking his hands into his pockets. He closes the door and undoes the remaining locks. When he steps out of his room, it’s to find Hux stepping back and the freshman cowering beneath their combined gazes.

He and Hux exchange glances and unsympathetic smirks. With Hux’s approving nod, Kylo steps forward, making his way towards the staircase and the sounds of screaming.

“Don’t worry,” he hears Hux tell the boy. “We’re just going to have a bit of fun.”

*

Hux schedules their rushers one group at a time, so by the time Kylo emerges from the basement of the house, one disciplined freshman in tow, another batch has arrived. The kid Kylo brings with him – a small thing, newly painted blue with house spray paint and gifted an ear piercing, courtesy of Hux’s unkind hands, as well as several bruises from Kylo – slips out of the jacket Kylo has a hold on and goes sprinting past the group, screaming at the top of his lungs. Kylo watches him go, hand still wrapped up in the boy’s jacket. Hux, just coming out of the basement himself, shakes his head. He wipes a sheen of sweat off of his forehead and leaves a smear of purple in its place.

“At least he’ll have something to remember us by.” It’s Kylo the comment’s directed at, but he’s staring at the rushers. “As for you lot: which one of you brought the…items I requested?”

Kylo turns away before he can see anything take place – drug deal or food run, he doesn’t care to know. Jacket still in hand, he moves down the hall.

The public closet in the Theta Iota Epsilon house has had its door replaced on a number of notable occasions. It’s most recent edition is made of the thickest wood Hux could find available online, and its system of locks is almost – _almost_ – as complicated as the one Kylo has installed for himself. Kylo grumbles to himself as he types in a pin code, then fishes a key from its hiding place – a small hole in the wall, three inches from the ceiling and covered in cheap plaster.

The closet, once open, explodes. Kylo throws the jacket on top of a pile of abandoned, assumed, or straight-up stolen items before forcing the door closed again. He waits until the locks have clicked back into place before wiping his hands and moving towards the kitchen.

It takes him several beers to work up the energy to supervise the rushers, and several more to crack a smile. The music dulls to a throb in the back of his head; he can ignore it, for the most part, save for when one of the girls Hux’s invited is singing along or when a drunken freshman comes barreling into the kitchen, a tie wrapped around his head that distinctly does not belong to him.

Kylo helps Hux escort that one out of the house. When the two of them return, Hux has the tie tucked in his pocket, and his knuckles are (once again) covered in blood.

“What is it with this year’s recruits?” he asks, shaking his head. “Unruly bunch.”

Kylo shrugs but doesn’t bother to muster up a response.

It’s well past midnight when he sees _her_.

Somewhere in between one group of rushers and the next, the kitchen table had been converted into a beer pong arena. The kids at it now are wearing jerseys for some reason Kylo can’t fathom, though these only take up one of the two teams. The other side is occupied by one Rey Kenobi, along with a freshman’s who looks, Kylo thinks, vaguely familiar.

Someone collides with his back and scampers away before he can see them; only when Hux stops a few feet ahead of him does Kylo realize that he’s not moving.

“Steady, Ren,” Hux says, throwing an idle glance towards the table. “I thought you’d like to see some familiar faces.”

Across the room, _Rey fucking Kenobi_ pounds down a shot like she does it every weekend along with some _nobody_ who should be locked in the house’s basement. Only Hux’s hand on his arm keeps Kylo from charging forward; it’s not quite painful, but the dig of Hux’s fingernails is warning enough.

“That’s the freshman, isn’t it?” Kylo hisses out. “The one from earlier. He doesn’t belong here, Hux, he doesn’t have the nerve.”

“And yet you got in,” Hux sighs. “I thought the boy deserved a second chance, and really, Miss Kenobi pleaded so prettily for him. As long as he’s with her, I suppose I have to let him stay.”

Kylo sees him look back over at Rey and slowly narrows his eyes. “How do you know her?”

“Miss Kenobi?” Hux’s smile is a snaky thing. “We’ve met once or twice before; I was such a beast, accidentally spilling my coffee on her like I did. She mentioned you once I told her what frat I was with.” He tilts his head, and his smile grows larger. “It seems the two of you used to be close.”

Kylo’s hand itches with the urge to seize Hux’s throat and squeeze. Instead, he rips his gaze away from the man and looks back over to Rey. She’s sunk another ball into one of the table’s red solo cups, and her companion is clapping her on the back, his arm slung around her shoulder without a care in the world.

“She’s a pretty thing,” Hux continues, though his voice is reduced to background noise as Kylo seethes. “I thought it’d be good to invite her tonight, maybe show her the ropes. She seemed so lost, wandering around campus all alone.”

“Leave her alone,” Kylo rumbles. When Hux glances away from Rey, eyebrow raised, Kylo glares back. “She doesn’t need to get wrapped up in all this. Leave her alone, let her go home, _don’t sleep with her_.”

Hux laughs, startled. “I’m not going to sleep with her,” he says, raising his voice. “Why, Ren, how could you even suggest that?”

Kylo glances towards the table and sees Rey turn towards them. In her distraction, the opposing team sinks a ping pong ball into one of her cups; they steal her attention back with loud cheers and a crude gesture. He doesn’t manage to take a single step forward before Hux’s hand is back on his arm.

“Relax, Ren,” Hux says. “Come with me. Why don’t we go over and say hello?”

“No, thanks,” Kylo says with a scowl. “I saw a few freshmen sneaking up the stairs that I can take care of, instead –”

“Nonsense,” Hux tsks. “I’ll send one of the other useless executives to take care of them.” He loops his arm with Kylo’s and begins to drag the man forward. “Think of it this way,” he says, fighting against the pressure of Kylo’s resistant bicep. “The sooner you address this little…issue of yours, the sooner it’ll go away.”

Kylo digs his feet into the carpet and plants himself there. Hux is undeterred, though his efforts are soon no longer necessary. They both see Rey sink her final ping pong ball into its waiting cup; when it’s landed – with little to no splash – she abandons the table and comes striding towards them.

“Armitage!” she calls, dodging a stumbling rusher to come to his side. “It’s good to see you!”

“And you, Rey,” Hux says with a nod. Kylo stares at him as his smile seems to soften. “I’m so glad you accepted my invitation.”

“Thank you for offering,” Rey says with a grin. “I didn’t have much to do – it was nice to have a chance to get out. I hope you don’t mind that I brought along a friend; I just didn’t want to come alone.”

Both Kylo and Hux glance over her shoulder towards the student in question. He sees them looking, and his eyes go wide. There’s a speck of blue paint remaining on his cheek and some of it left in his hair.

“Perfectly reasonable,” Hux says, before Kylo can respond. “I do hope you’ll introduce us to him before the night’s out.”

“I’ll try,” Rey says with a laugh. Kylo tenses as her gaze shifts to him. The laughter goes out of her face as she goes still. “Hello, Ben.”

Kylo coughs and tries to glare, but the expression falls flat. “It’s Kylo, here,” he tells her. “Kylo Ren.”

Rey narrows her eyes, but doesn’t disagree. She tastes the name once, then again, while Kylo tries to look anywhere else but her.

“Yes, a perk of joining up with the TIE house,” Hux interrupts. “You mentioned, though, that you knew our dear Kylo before?”

“Yeah.” It hurts to watch her turn away from him, but Kylo grits his teeth and averts his gaze. “We grew up just a few houses down from one another. His parents would pick me up from school, sometimes, if my grandfather was at work. I’d stay with them until he came home.”

“Yes, you mentioned that you lived with him,” Hux says with a nod. “But you have to tell me: what was our Kylo like when he was younger? I want _all_ the embarrassing details.”

“When he was Ben, you mean.” Kylo hears Rey laugh and looks at her, briefly. She’s smiling, yes, but the press of her mouth is wrong. “Well, I couldn’t really compare him to how he is now, but he was…a bit of a jerk.” Her giggle is high and sweet, and in between the stabbing heartbeats in his chest, Kylo wonders just how much she’s had to drink.

“I’m shocked,” Hux deadpans.

“Right?” Rey laughs again. “He wasn’t all that friendly, when I was younger – though I suppose I bothered him. I’m three years younger than him, so I had that ‘annoying younger sister’ vibe going for me.”

“Yet you still call him your friend.”

Kylo sees Rey shrug. “I did, yeah,” she says. “When I started high school, he showed me around a bit. Ben – Kylo, do you remember?” She corrects herself before turning towards him. “You told me about the kids in the back halls who brought those two liter bottles of soda into school? I used to drink way too much,” she turns back to Hux with a laugh. “Won’t touch the stuff, anymore, but I used to go through a liter a day.”

“Your dentist must have hated you,” Hux tsks. “But that seems rather kind, Kylo. I’m surprised you never mentioned this girl before.”

Kylo opens his mouth to respond, or to snarl, but no sound comes out. The pounding music of the party fills the silence that settles between the three of them. When he glances at Rey, it’s to find her staring at the floor; when he looks at Hux, it’s to find extra meaning tucked into his blithe smile.

“I – I have to go deal with some freshmen,” Kylo manages, at last.

If possible, Rey shrinks even further into herself. Hux doesn’t bother to hide his eye roll; when he turns back to Rey, he rests a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry about him,” Kylo hears him say as he starts to walk away. “If you’d like, I could show you around the house –”

“That’s alright.” Rey’s soft laugh is the loudest thing in the house, and it creates a lump the size of a planet in Kylo’s throat. “I think I’ll get my friend and head out. It’s been a long night for the both of us, and there’s gonna be a fuck ton of homework to work on tomorrow.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Kylo rounds the nearest corner and waits until their voices have been lost in the sea of noise before he sags. The wall takes his weight with a gentle groan that he barely hears; he closes his eyes, then drags a slow, tender breath in through his nose. He pushes it out of his mouth and repeats the process until his heart rate has slowed.

When he opens his eyes again, he finds a rusher – no, another senior, though not from his frat – lingering a few feet away.

“What do you want?” he spits out.

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t dying, buddy,” the stranger says. “But you sound just fine to me.” He adjusts the sleeves of his jacket and wanders past, not giving Kylo a backwards glance. Kylo forgets him the moment he disappears from view and focuses again on controlling his breathing.

There are too many bodies in the house, he decides; too much stimuli. Kylo pushes off the wall and heads for the front door. He’s only a few steps away when he passes by Hux and is thoroughly unsurprised when the other man catches him by the arm. Kylo yanks himself away, but instinct forces him to come to a halt.

“You managed to make a fool of yourself,” Hux huffs. “Not that I’m surprised. I hope you realize that I’m here TA for the rest of the semester; I refuse to clean up any emotional messes you cause. Furthermore,” he gives Kylo a disgusted once over, then drops his arm like it burns, “if you misbehave, I will make a point of bringing her over. She seems a lovely girl – bit young, yes, and a bit immature, but more than pretty enough for my tastes.”

Kylo doesn’t register his own movements. In less than a heartbeat, Hux is dangling two inches off the floor, a hand around his neck. Kylo squeezes and watches the man’s eyes bulge with detached satisfaction.

“You’re not going to fuck her,” he snarls. A freshman – or someone – behind him scurries away, but he can’t be bothered to see who it is. “You’re not ever going to bring her here again, either.”

“I didn’t _bring_ her.” Despite his struggle for air, Hux manages to roll his eyes. “She’s her own person, remember, Ren? She doesn’t need the likes of _you_ looking out for her; even when she asked you to, you made it quite clear that you had no interest.”

Kylo grinds his teeth and squeezes a hair tighter. Only when Hux’s face goes from red to mauve does Kylo drop him. He leaves the other man in a pile on the floor, gasping for breath with a red ring around his neck.

“You’ll always be a fuck up, Ren!” Hux manages, just as Kylo reaches the door. “That’s why we like you so much.”

The front door quivers on its hinges as Kylo blows through it, crashing into the side of the house hard enough for the handle to leave a mark. It drifts close behind him, still shaking, as he starts down the long road.

The campus clocktower lets out two droll tones just as he steps onto campus proper. Kylo keeps his eyes fixed on it as he walks, timing each of his breaths. The October night is cool, too cool to be out without a jacket, really, but he can’t bring himself to care. He wills away the goosebumps that creep up his arms as he walks, storming past groups of students coming home or going to another party. They barely seem to notice him, save for one. Kylo watches the good humor go out of her face as she leans closer to her friend, whispering something that he has no desire to hear.

By the time he’s reached the center of campus, he’s alone. He passes the statue of the campus’s most famous president, a man whose name he’s long forgotten, and moves instead to the commemorative gazebo nearby.

Kylo slows as he walks toward it, sweeping the area for any signs of students or late night security. Satisfied, he throws himself down on one of the stone benches inside the gazebo. The stone is cold and his unprotected skin protests, but Kylo ignores it in favor of closing his eyes.

His uncle had tried to teach him to meditate once, after Ben’s – Kylo’s – Ben’s temper had gotten the better of him in middle school. He’d been bored within minutes; it was impossible, he reasoned, to ask a thirteen year old to clear his mind, and after several failed attempts, it seemed his Uncle Luke agreed.

That didn’t mean that the lessons hadn’t stuck, though.

He waits until his heartbeat is no longer pounding in his ears before he opens his eyes again. As he does, he catches sight of something shifting in the shadows of the buildings nearby. Kylo leans forward, squinting, as the shadow moves closer, and tries to make himself small.

His breath catches.

Rey enters the gazebo without seeing him, her palm brought up to rub tears away from her eyes. Her face, in the dim street light, and her shoulders are shaking. She crumples against the side of the gazebo and uses the cold stone to guide herself to one of the benches.

Kylo stares, open mouthed. He goes to stand as she rubs her eyes again, his own gaze fixed on one of the buildings several feet away; if he runs, she may not see him. His steps are just echoing off of the gazebo’s stone floor, though, when her hands fall away from her eyes.

“Ben?”

Kylo freezes.

He hears Rey sniffle behind him. “Sorry. Kylo,” she says, and the distaste in her voice infuriates and wounds him all at once. “I didn’t see you in here.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kylo mutters. He pulls his foot back and leans against the gazebo’s entrance, careful to keep his back to the still-sniffling girl. When he glances at her out of the corner of his eye, it’s to find her curling in on herself, watchful and wary, like a wounded animal.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Nothing,” Kylo snaps, crossing his arms. “I thought you were going home.”

“And I thought you were off terrifying freshmen.” Rey laughs, but it’s not a happy thing. “You really haven’t changed all that much, have you?”

Kylo huffs and looks down at his feet. The stone of the gazebo digs into his arm, but he doesn’t feel the sting of it.

“I’ve changed more than you know.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Rey says, shaking her head. “You seem exactly the same to me. Always alone, that’s Ben Solo.”

“Don’t call me that,” Kylo snarls, whirling around to face the girl. When Rey rolls her eyes, he moves closer, crouching down to take her face in his hand. His fingers brush along the line of her jaw as he forces her to look at him. “Did you hear me?” he asks. “Don’t call me that.”

Rey wastes no time in yanking her face away. “And why not?” she asks. “You were always Ben Solo to me. I’ve seen your baby pictures _and_ the news stories our town newspaper’s dropped about you; I _know you,_ Ben.” She moves away from him, pulling her legs up on the bench. “It doesn’t matter what you call yourself. I _know_ you.”

Kylo reaches for her again, but she smacks his hand away. He pulls back, hand tingling, though he’s not in pain.

“How well do you really know me?” he asks, keeping his voice low. “It’s been three years; we haven’t talked –”

“And whose fault is that?” Rey interrupts.

His thin thread of patience shivers. “Did you ever think about _why_ I stopped talking to you?” he demands. His hands brace on either side of her, but even stooping, he towers over her. “You never even _addressed_ that something might’ve been wrong; you just kept going like everything was normal. I’ve been getting texts for three years, Rey. _Three years_. Would it have killed you to ask after me?”

“That’s what I was doing.” Her eyes narrow as she pushes herself upright. “I was bothering you so you would answer, asshole. I wouldn’t have kept doing it if I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“Then maybe you should have been more direct.” He’s too close to her; the cool air is turning warm from the mingling of their breaths. He can see the different shades of brown in her hair and the speckling of freckles over her cheeks and he should really, really move away.

“Don’t come back to the house,” he says. “Rey, if you know what’s good for you, don’t come back to the house.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Rey snaps. “I was only there for Finn. You tortured him and stole his jacket, or don’t you remember?”

Kylo blinks. Rey’s rage is a shade of red he didn’t expect, at least, not in regards to some unimportant, unmemorable – “What?”

“He’s my _friend_ , asshole,” Rey hisses. “One of the few who actually talks to me, which makes him a better friend than you. The only reason we were at your stupid party was because I wanted to get his jacket back; he didn’t even want to come back after what you did to him, so _fuck you_ for thinking I have any reason to be kind to you!”

He feels his mouth drop open, but it’s a detached sort of thing. A stab of loneliness ricochets through his chest; it rattles about in his ribs and lands in something fleshy, sticks, hurts.

“Oh.”

He backs away at once, stumbling as he puts space between the two of them. The bench on the other side of the gazebo doesn’t make for a soft chair, but it breaks his fall as he sits. He hears Rey shuffle as she resettles on her bench, but he doesn’t look at her – he doesn’t think he can.

“Oh.”

There are crickets somewhere nearby, he realizes; their violin-string chirps fill the silence that settles over the gazebo. It’s a wonder they haven’t died from the cold; Kylo can feel it closing in on him, another October snap that’ll turn his bones to ice.

He sees Rey pull her arms in, wrapping them around herself as she braces against the wind. Kylo looks out and sees off-brown clouds rolling above them in the too-dark sky.

She’s still too small, he knows, all knees and elbows.

“I remember,” he says, keeping his voice soft. “You came home from school with me, one day, before I went to college. I was filling out applications at the kitchen table; Leia was at work, and Han…”

He sees Rey shift. “Han was out,” she says with a sigh.

“Right.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And you were talking about some guy who had asked you to winter formal.”

Rey huffs. Out of the corner of his eye, Kylo sees fog dance out of her mouth. “Oh, that guy,” she says, after a moment. “He didn’t know how to take no for an answer, did he?”

Kylo doesn’t quite laugh, but the corner of his mouth tilts upward. “I messed up one of my applications because of that, you know,” he reminds her. “And then the next day at school –”

“Didn’t you pin him to his locker?” Rey’s smiling, he can see it, though it’s too sad and fierce to be a real smile.

“Probably,” Kylo shrugs. “But what I remember best is how relieved you looked.”

He’s not lying, either: her face, young, impressionable, trying to hide her relief as Kylo lets the boy drop. He remembers wrapping an arm around her too-small shoulders and walking her to her next class; ditching early and getting her from her next one. She’d pressed herself into his side and thanked him, over and over, until he’d had to beg her to stop.

“You always helped me,” Rey says in the here and now. “But when you left…”

Kylo sighs and stands. He moves back towards the gazebo’s threshold and presses his head against the nearby stone. “Things changed.”

The clouds above their head continue to roil. Kylo watches them, throwing the occasional glance towards Rey. She’s staring at her fingers, winding and unwinding them, cracking her pinky every few seconds.

“You don’t have to do this alone, you know,” she says, at last. “I know you want to – believe me, I get wanting to do it alone. But…it’s harder, Kylo, to go about this without help. Trust me. I know.”

Another memory: her too-small form tucked into the corner of his bedroom while his mother and her grandfather argue in the living room down the hall. Kylo, back pressed against the bedroom door, does his best not to listen, but he can see her shoulders shaking and he wants to storm out and take the old fool by the shoulders –

The sky shudders. The first flakes of snow shiver down out of the sky, dusting the air as they reach for the ground.

“I’m not alone, though,” he says. His breath turns to a cloud in the air. He hears more than sees Rey shift, but he knows the curious tilt of her head; he’s seen a hundred times, and if he’s lucky, he’ll see it a hundred times more.

He’s never been all that lucky.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

Kylo shoves his hands into his pockets and ducks his head. He can feel the snow hit the back of his neck; it burns, just a little.

“Well,” he says, kicking the dirt. “I’ve never really been able to get rid of you.”

For a moment, there’s nothing but the noise of dying bugs and the gentle patter of snow. Then, Rey moves. Kylo does his best not to look back, but before long he sees her settling in at his side, leaning against the other side of the gazebo’s entrance. She casts her gaze upward, then reaches up just in time to catch a snowflake on her fingertips.

After a moment, she huffs out a laugh. “I see you haven’t gotten better at compliments, either.”

Despite himself, Kylo grins. The cold air makes his teeth ache, but he doesn’t stop, just keeps looking up at the sky above. Rey, when he looks at her, is smiling, too.

“I’ll try to get better,” he says, and means more than that. “I suppose I’ll need…practice.”

“Damn right you do.” Rey nods. She hesitates, then nudges her elbow against his. Kylo almost freezes up, but he forces himself to elbow back, just to watch her smile grow wider.

“You know how you can start?” she says, taking a step out of the gazebo.

Kylo follows her, almost unwittingly, his feet crunching the cool grass. “How?”

Rey’s eyes glimmer. “Give Finn his jacket back. And _apologize_.”

The moment bursts. Kylo groans and runs a hand through his hair, a headache already building at the thought of the house, the party, and the chaos within. “I take back everything I said,” he says, falling into step beside his old friend. “You’re going to have to deal with me as I am.”

“Yeah, I know.” Rey nudges his arm again. She’s still staring, he notices, up towards the snow in the sky. “I don’t expect you to be Ben Solo again, but it’d be nice if you were less of an ass.”

Kylo pauses, then acknowledges her with a shrug. “I think I can try that.”

Finally – finally – Rey looks him in the face. She’s beaming, he sees, her smile as white as the snowflakes that are settling in her hair.

“Then it seems like we’re getting somewhere.”

 


End file.
